What is done cannot be undone

I've been living the past

Had a great session of gym and ball

Took a great burden of my mind

I said I'd try to quit smoking

But this isn't the right period for me

Sorrys to all the people whom I say I'd quit

I bought a pack today

A nightmare's just over

But I'm not sure if I survived it

Putting my nearly dead brain only on ball

Like a zombie playing aimlessly

Restlessly

Came to school with puffy eyes and a running nose

Put my mind on the gym

Running again aimlessly and restlessly

2km stoning

Forcing myself beyond the limits for weights

Droplets of sweat dripped every moment

Every moment slowed down

Just like matrix

Everything seemed to surreal

Like a dream

As if my life was played as a story

Had a good talk with Xueli

Didn't bother to explain too much

Didn't want to break down infront of her

Smoked 3 sticks

Wanted to smoke more but tried my best

To refrain my hands from taking out that pack

For the first time

I noticed how beautiful how the smoke we exhaled looked

In swirls and slowly fading away

With a glimpse of light on the cig butt

Slowly extinguished as we flicked them away

Never seemed to notice the littlest things in the past

Had a good last cry with my teddy last night

Cried myself to sleep

After balling today

Went to meet Xp and Eileen for long john's

Didn't eat

Had no appetite during that moment

Staring at them from a distance

Had no guts as usual

I so wana get 2 puddings

Anyone got any name recommendations?

I confirm wana name the female "pudding"

Got any names that rythmes with that?

Like Pudpud or Padi?

Haha

When no one's there for you when you're down